Boundaries - what they are, why we need them, and how to set them

I'm just back from a proper "switch off your laptop and don't look at emails" kind of break feeling all kinds of refreshed. The kind of break that can be really really hard to get when you have your own business because we can often feel like we can't justify time off, we have to be planning or using our time well, financially it might be harder, or that we just love what we do enough that we're thinking about it all the time.

It's been really hard for me to have this kind of break up for all of these reasons but I recognised that my ability to do great work was actually starting to suffer a little because I was pretty tired out. Giving myself permission to have this rest and take care of myself was a real gift, and, even though my business isn't a person, setting boundaries and prioritising what I need is still essential for me. It got me thinking about boundaries in general - they're a healthy, essential part of living a balanced life so here are my tips on setting them for yourself, whether that's in relation to your business, your work life, or your family.

Wait, what is a boundary though?
It's basically a limit, a line you draw in the sand which says - here is what's important to me, here are my values, here's behaviour that I'm OK with and that I'm not OK with, here's what I'm willing to give and what I'm not willing to give. It can cover work, home, emotions, your physical space, your energy, and more.

Boundaries send an important message.
Setting a boundary tells others, and most importantly tells ourselves, of our value. It enables us to have autonomy for our own lives, it can fill us with greater confidence because we are showing ourselves a commitment to our value. Setting a boundary is a call for respect. It also helps us be more resistant to things that sap our energy and cause burnout, and they're essential for healthy, balanced relationships.

You can't give what you don't have.
We can sometimes be resistant to boundaries because we feel like we have to do everything, or that we "just can't" step away. However, if you don't have any boundaries your energy will be all one way - particularly when it comes to taking care of others. Think of your energy existing in a tank - if it's always flowing out, you're going to run out and then you won't have anything left to give. If you stop the energy flowing out when you need to, and take time to top it up, you'll be able to give more to those who genuinely need it.

Be honest about your limits.
When you're thinking about setting a boundary, be honest and realistic with yourself about what that needs to look like. The boundary is there to help you first and foremost so really take time to look at what will help you most, not others. Remember that there are actually very few things that we "have" to do - in the context of a relationship (be that romantic, or family), if we're talking about a healthy fully grown adult, the only person responsible for them, is them. This can be a tough pill to swallow but I promise you, it's not your job. What things in your personal or professional life are you genuinely responsible for, and which things are you choosing to take on because you're worried they won't get done, or that something bad will happen if you don't?

Communicate, communicate, communicate.
How do people know what your boundaries are? Simple. You tell them. Keep it straightforward and focused on the benefit (e.g. "I can't be available to you at all hours any longer because I need some rest and it's important that I have some time that's just for me. That way I'm recharged so I can help you effectively when you need it.").

Remember - it's OK to say no. I know, scary right?! But the world won't end if you say it. And if there's someone in your life who you think will cut you out, respond badly, or fail to respect your boundaries, it might be time to consider if they are someone who deserves a space in your life in the first place...

Boundaries have become so important for me and I encourage you to take some time to think about what might help you too.